Mostly, Completely Broken
by Lonely Theurgist
Summary: "Alexander Lightwood's funeral was surprisingly fast..." Rated T for major character death


**A/N: **_I apologize in advance for hurting you. No happy endings here though I'd be delighted to hear your own. I really don't actually want Alec dead and I was going to end the fic with Magnus finding a spell to revive him but I wasn't entirely sure how to word that correctly so...enjoy the new ending. But for those of you who want a happy ending that happens after this I just ... couldn't write it. Idk. Anyways enjoy.  
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* * *

Alexander Lightwood's funeral had gone by incredibly fast. Magnus had just stood there frozen in place by the coffin staring in at the pale face of the person he loved more than anyone else in the world. His beautiful, wonderful, perfect little Alec. He would never hear his laugh again. Never watch his face turn red in embarrassment in response to Magnus's compliments. Never see the determined glint in his eyes whenever Alec had something to prove. Never feel Alec's wonderfully warm, slightly chapped lips against his own. Everything Magnus had come to love over the past few years was gone. And the only way he could describe his current emotion was … numb. He was numb without Alec. And he knew he would never be able to feel ever again. People had tried to comfort him as best they could but Magnus barely paid any attention to them. This was _Alec. _No amount of words would bring him back nor would any amount of words take away the pain of losing him. This was the heartbreak of loving mortals, one day they would die and leave you all alone. Magnus had been slowly preparing himself for the end of his world he just … didn't think it would come so soon.

He remembered his last day with his precious Alec as if it was yesterday. The day had started off so perfect. Waking up with Alec cuddled against his chest snoring softly. Magnus had just smiled and stared down at his sleeping form before waking him up for breakfast. They had eaten together and then Alec had gone off to the Institute leaving Magnus home to deal with whatever annoying clients the day would bring. As always, Alec called him at noon, 2 and 4. But the 6 o'clock call that was never missed never came. It never came because Alec was dead. There had been a demon outside the Institute, not even an especially tough one. Alec and Jace had gone to drive it away…but Jace messed up. That wasn't something that happened often. He somehow managed to trip right as the demon's powerful spiked fist was about to collide with him. Jace would be the one dead had Alec not jumped in the way to protect his parabatai. Magnus almost wished Jace _was _the one who had died. If that had been the case he would have a sobbing Alec clutching to him. Sure, it would have been heartbreaking. But Alec would have been _there _and _alive. _He would have needed Magnus for comfort barely wanting to leave the Warlock's side for days. And Magnus would be alright with that. He would have sat there with Alec whispering sweet nothings into his ear trying to convince his boyfriend that Jace's death had not been his fault and that being so upset over it did not make him weak. But that's not what had happened.

Alec was dead.

* * *

**1 Month Later**

* * *

Magnus stared blankly at the wall listening to the grandfather clock he refused to get rid of chime. His apartment was so painful to be in. Everywhere he looked, everything he touched. It was Alec. All of it. Everything was Alec. His favorite black hoodie was still tossed over the couch, every once in a while Magnus started to nag him about hanging up his clothes but then he remembered Alec wasn't there and let the hoodie stay there. If he moved it, it would be like admitting Alec was never coming back and … Magnus just didn't want to admit that. Magnus just wanted him home, he just wanted Alec back. He wanted to have one morning where he didn't wake up and reach out to try and grab a boy who was no longer there. He needed Alec back. That was all he cared about, one day waking up to see bright blue eyes blinking back at him. But…that would never be possible. The Warlock couldn't remember the last time he ate. Being Immortal, not eating really just caused him to grow ill there was really not a big risk of dying. He just couldn't fathom the idea of eating a meal where Alec wasn't sitting across from him going on and on about whatever was on his mind. Magnus could barely fathom an existence without the other. Every moment he wasn't with Alec was coming back to him cutting into his heart like a knife. Every breakup, every fight, Magnus regretted all of it. If only it was possible to turn back time. He would have always been there for Alec. He would never have done anything to hurt him. He would have stuck with him through thick and thin and done everything in his power to make Alec happy. Sure, he had done that most of the time but the fact there were times when Alec hadn't been able to rely on him still killed him inside.

"Oh Alec…I'm so sorry darling…" Magnus mumbled to no one in particular ignoring Chairman Meow's attempt at comfort by rubbing up and down his side.

Chairman Meow was mortal too. One day Magnus's beloved pet would be forced away from him by cruel fate as well. The very idea made him sick to his stomach. Why did he even bother loving mortals at this point? Why hadn't he learned that they were just going to rip out his heart by now? It seemed he'd been taught the same lesson over and over again.

So why was it that Magnus still go attached to things that would one day leave him.

He had been in love before. But none of it had been like Alec. Alec was different from all the other people Magnus had met in his life. Alec had been ... perfect. The sort of person you only meet once. And somehow Magnus had let that oh so perfect boy slip through his fingers. If only he had been there maybe he could have done something to save his beloved boyfriend. Magnus felt a sudden wave of pain wash over him again, the shield that had been his numbness falling apart.

Glancing up Magnus saw Alec's picture grinning at him from behind the glass. That picture had been taken in Paris, Magnus's personal favorite stop on their world tour so long ago. Alec looked so carefree and happy, his blue eyes glistening, his black hair flopped over his left eyes slightly. In that picture it seemed there was no possible way Alec could be gone. He alooked so ... alive. Magnus felt tears trailing down his face, after that picture he had picked Magnus up and kissed him not caring who saw. They were in the city of love.

Without Alec Magnus was lost, alone and broken. Mostly broken...Completely broken.


End file.
